dump of recent stuff
Apr. 6th, 2023 01:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
girlrockwriting posts is hard and things have been tiring and difficult... i can't believe it's already april because it genuinely still feels like february to me but! let me try and sort out my thoughts by quickly summarizing recent affairs from the past 2 months i guess T__T i don't even know why i do the things i do
[consumption]
music
i'm so bad at reading books and watching tv and even finding new music these days it's taken me like 3 days to watch half an episode of yellowjackets s2 LOL. i need to get back on the music bandwagon because i genuinely get irritated listening to the same songs over and over again and i never feel quite right unless i have an endless barrage of new albums to get through... ;__;
i've been listening to too much julien baker in a bad way. even + rejoice songs of my life... but from new music i really like the latest yves tumor they truly never miss!!! then from k-pop i love fiftyfifty cupid, crabity a to z (궁금해 너의 A TO ZZZZZZ 밤새 듣고 싶어 TAAALK TO ME), latest triples and billlie releases in pretty much their entirety, ive kitsch, and also why does twice wallflower seriously hit LOL is it just me...
also i said that this song went to the alabaster deplume don't forget you're precious school of motivational music but why have i kept coming back to it... it's kind of lovely 2 me. i don't know!
also i randomly was like wait why does lexie liu's 2022 album slay severely so i've been listening to a lot of that lately lol. 3.14159 is my favorite objectively but sometimes you just have to loop ganma because it's too real. every day at 4am kms and dying just repeating the chorus to myself like 干嘛... 不睡......
and finally of course i am sooo excited for daughter album :') :') :') i really had not felt a single positive feeling in all of 2023 until they dropped boyw like it was such a visceral rush of genuine emotion that it's kind of embarrassing looking back on but oh well. elena tonra will get us through the hard times
tv shows
writing this as a reminder to myself tbh because i keep forgetting what i'm watching.......
finished shadow and bone s2! it was serviceable even though i generally could not care less about the bin bons storyline and i actually liked show wesper and nikolai grew on me. watched oscar's parts of dts s5 and then the first episode and then forgot about it..... i was meaning to watch cooking for the maiko house because i'm simple koreeda fan and then also forgot about that but i should get back to it.
> need to catch up with succession. don't even remember where i am
> yellowjackets s2e2
> ted lasso s3e3
> lucky hank s1e2
> the last of us s1e6 💀 i forgot i was watching this
> abbott elementary s2e17
> owl house s3e2
oy vey....... probably other stuff too but i've got enough on my plate as it is. tbh ted lasso s3 has been underwhelming me so far but i do want to get through everything here eventually i'm just bad at sitting through things lately. Omg can i please start keeping unnecessary lists again i hate forgetting what i was meaning to watch!!! also if anyone has recs please lmk ✍️ i'm in the mood to start something new i'm just like auuurghh... i don't even know
movies
recently watched tár, close, and of an age in theaters... also the oscar animated shorts which basically ice merchants >>>>>> the rest > the shit that won. also watched ant-man and the latest d&d movie but anyway 😭 actually really liked of an age now that i think about it... maladjusted australian gayboy angst too real
love books would love to read one some day.
sports
tbh sometimes i'm like i watch insane amounts of hockey but upon reflection i feel like i don't even watch that many teams. i think i am unfortunately biased against "bad" teams because i get so depressed watching systems defensively crater when a) i am already a stars fan and b) i already watch JUNIOR HOCKEY from time to time like i just watched cb98 drop a second-straight OTL in the whl playoffs i don't need to witness... anyway. i really just watch the stars and then i pick and choose whatever from... well i feel like lately i watch way too much devs and sabres hockey lol i don't know! i think i have to stop liking jq22 it's actually so embarrassing. i mean dl27 will probably become my favorite eventually because i can't not be susceptible to an insane 7th round mentality monster goalie nerd with a massive chip on his shoulder but for now my fav buffalo sabre is really Loser vape rookie who couldn't rizz up a girl in the buff state rec room if his life depended on it. it's my right i suppose. also i can't watch the avs right now because it's making me feel too toxic. anyway the only horrible unfortunate banged up team i can stomach is the habs :')
also oscar points in his home race ☝️ i feel like f1 is not something i can bring myself to populate my dash with so my consumption is so much more isolated/disjointed but i kind of like it that way because um. [redacted thoughts on f1 fandom]
[creation]
some stuff i've been making........ i think a big thing for me this year has been trying to bludgeon into my head that i can actually just learn and do things if i tell myself i can enough times lol. which is a fairly generic philosophy but i guess i'm trying to give up on myself a little less. well not really but sometimes i like to pretend that's true lol
honestly speaking i think 50% of the time i spend with photoshop open is just on making robo gifs which is literally so humiliating and every other day i sit there like 급현타 moment about how unnecessary everything i do within ""fandom"" is lmfao i'm just like WHY? but again why do we do anything etc. etc. it is embarrassing to genuinely like an athlete thisss much but unfortunately he is so boring in the unique cerebral mentalityfreak way that explicitly appeals to me. like when a guy is so predictably knowable to the point that you're like this Can't be it and it really isn't but also it is and that's the inherent beauty of it. i could go on but i won't. 100 points tho LFGGGGGGGGGG
unfortunately he is my fav guy. i'll reflect
art
i had like Three (3) days in march when i was genuinely motivated to draw art and it was kind of exhilarating OMG i was like damn i'm actually having fun for once! i've been sketching random stuff since and there's this one piece/set of pieces(???) that i reallyyy want to do but i just don't know how to execute it at all tbh. the problem really is that i'm a horrible artist and i have like zero creativity lol. but here's some stuff (DON'T LAUGH...):
i've said this a million times but i love the stars rr jersey so much... the petey sketch is so bad but whatever it was really an experimental attempt at random shape and color stuff so i'll live with it. i also kind of want to draw more freeform roops but... idk we'll see. omg why am i literally so bad at this shit. it's fine
stats
i wish i could like... write fic and be normal but i also think every fic i've ever written has been completely useless and sort of actively bad in the way that you are actually left for the worse after consuming it? like some fic you read and you're like ok it happened but i do feel like my writing legitimately worsens my quality of life after i read through it. No offense to me because i really do try i just have no talent. but anyway sometimes i'm like i think writing fic is such a nice activity to engage in because it ties people together and i wish i had normal hobbies but instead i'm out here making incomprehensible posts analyzing the hrpf archives without actually contributing to them. which is like Why do you do that... but also i think stats are fun and i like fucking around with data even if i don't know what i'm doing so whatever!!!
basically we ball. earlier i made this post as a quick and dirty attempt at analyzing recent hrpf trends which tbh was actually decently insightful but then i was like... what's fun about hockey to ME is that it's a weakly connected sport but also still very insular in its own way (for you know bad underlying cultural reasons but in short that's how the social network itself is informed). and i realized that So Many players branch off from sidcros and that he's basically fandom central node, not exactly or necessarily in a bicycle way but more so that a lot of popular ships cycle through or around him, like you can map cheesby to tknp to 1386 to drygras etc. and then other stuff. anyway that's what let me to making This Post:
and tbh this was actually kind of fun because it pushed me outside my comfort zone of doing everything in spreadsheets and i got to go beyond Pure archive metrics in the usual vacuum of ship stats / maybe some manual dimensional entry and run tangible skater data cross-analysis all at once!!! me shamelessly merging everything with my fic set for the sake of horrific tumblr posting... i suffered so much at first because i simply CANNOT figure out how to get authentication to work with ao3 scraping and hrpf is 60% locked so i was like ottokeee my data... but figuring out a sort of decent and only half-manual collection workaround was nice and now i finally understand bsoup and i learned how to do basic networkx stuff 👍 i talked to someone on tumblr afterward who was like oh you should check out kumu.io for sna work and i was like I WISH I'D KNOWN ABOUT THAT... T__T but it's fine. anyway i won't rehash the whole thing because it's all in the post but i actually enjoyed myself with this one:
i've been meaning to make an f1 version of this post later but it kind of kills me because i was able cover like every f1 ship in 2-3 iterations vs. going to 8 for hockey because f1 is just sooo strongly connected. like the raw graph is absolutely incomprehensible so i don't even know what to do with it...
this is what i had cooking in tableau with min works filtered to like 50 i think? but i don't know if it really Means Anything to me so i have to reflect a bit harder on what i'm actually curious to expand on with f1 driver metrics.
one thing that's kind of interesting from something i just explored right now is that in hockey like... draft year/time in the league (not the same but i guess just some general measure of "establishedness", maybe gp would work but that also looks different for goalies, anyway this would have to be refined but i'm just spitballing here) vs. # of fic graphed by percentile is very much not correlated and you see the "clusters" of like the 2019 ntdp guys and tknp who have a high number of fic despite low establishedness and basically Outperform their expected number, vs. the guys who are relatively "on track" like sidcros, etc... and what's interesting is that with f1 you actually do get a fairly strong positive correlation between these numbers which is like hmmm. because i think it just goes back to connectedness and how exclusive the grid is and how it inevitably drives up numbers if you can remain active as a driver for a number of years lol.
anyway... i will think of this some more
code
on one hand i am absolutely ridiculous for making an entire website for no reason on the other hand i had fun making this once i understood what i was doing and i really am quite happy that i saw it through. :') anyway i was like... i need to check when i said this one second.
LOL so OVER A MONTH AGO i remember trying to find whether there was a central database for nhl warm-up jerseys because nhluniforms only does official in-game jerseys (home/away/third/rr), and then i looked up projects from people in other sports and nothing was really structured the way i needed to make this work because my whole concept was >How can i create a database for theme-night warm-up jerseys specifically done in collaboration with local/independent artists and make the artists and the events they're associated with and the surrounding details like charity work and design inspirations the primary focus?
anyway so i created nhlwarmups.github.io (more details) and i still think it's unproductive and useless of course but sometimes if you want something made you have to do it yourself. and it does matter to me so! isn't that kind of nice at the end of the day... i don't know x__x
some functionality:
there's actually some minor details i still want to add tbh but we'll see... the whole dev process was really ridiculous because i basically never bothered to understand javascript until 4 days ago but now i kind of get it i guess. but my first pass of attempting all of this was really just the manual data collection and having to input info / find sources for all these jerseys across 32 different teams and i was like ok so. i have this preliminary spreadsheet... Now what? and i did rough sketches of how the website would look like but i kept getting stuck on just the dilemma of how to route subpages, and then for a month i was kind of like well i'm never going to be able to do this because i'm stupid and i almost gave up but i did actually like. genuinely want to do this just because it's something i'm passionate about and i knew i would get some satisfaction from seeing the final product i guess?
but i was like ok i don't know how to make the actual subpage "generation" work and really the only functionality of this site is page navigation / jersey filtering and then clicking on preview cards to see detailed views but i wanted to actually have persisting subpages and not just Modal Pop-ups or whatever so i was like... well. and i tried to figure out routing with nodejs but it was giving me a massive headache because i once again am literally stupid and i don't understand modules and couldn't get my imports to work even though i was using the experimental-modules flag and anyway whatever it's fine. i should probably understand this at some point tbh because i'm definitely just stupid but. i basically did a backward approach of just styling everything individually, and then i learned js on the spot from strugglebusing through my sidebar filtering functions and the grid construction and getting just my pagination functions to work, and then AFTER all of this headaching i had an epiphany eventually and realized that I COULD JUST USE URLSEARCHPARAMS. lol....
also hosting this was actually a huge struggle at first (aka in the end because i didn't push anything until i'd finished the website lol) because i think the way i was displaying my pages was super wonky and it was breaking on mobile by not showing subpages at all... well basically i know why because i was trying to hide the main body div on load and then displaying it after my subpage content had finished generating to avoid that flash of the background grid reloading when you redirect but i think all the window/document/etc. stuff has different nuances on mobile so i had to rethink my approach. and because i literally cannot debug mobile stuff since i don't have the devtools to do it i was like Well I'm Fucked. this will just live on my local server forever... but then i changed stuff around and tbh i'm still not sure that's what fixed it but ??? well it works now i guess. i think this made me understand web processes a bit better but also maybe not......... like at first my subpage loading mechanic was >Add listener to preview container and then run load functions based on that and pushstate the subpage id but i think i was creating all this unnecessary extra work ??? because basically the gist of my database structure is -> load in the json objects, create a constant set to maintain id relationships when you need to load a page, and then keep a variable array that gets dynamically sorted and filtered for all the preview work... so the only information i actually needed to pass in to do anything was the id and i could just wrap all my card content with the relevant url from the get go and bypass any pushstate wrangling... anyway it's fine it was definitely just a learning process lol.
→
anyway my personal favs for the season are probably these 6:
-
das it for this post :_) see you next time
[consumption]
music
i'm so bad at reading books and watching tv and even finding new music these days it's taken me like 3 days to watch half an episode of yellowjackets s2 LOL. i need to get back on the music bandwagon because i genuinely get irritated listening to the same songs over and over again and i never feel quite right unless i have an endless barrage of new albums to get through... ;__;
i've been listening to too much julien baker in a bad way. even + rejoice songs of my life... but from new music i really like the latest yves tumor they truly never miss!!! then from k-pop i love fiftyfifty cupid, crabity a to z (궁금해 너의 A TO ZZZZZZ 밤새 듣고 싶어 TAAALK TO ME), latest triples and billlie releases in pretty much their entirety, ive kitsch, and also why does twice wallflower seriously hit LOL is it just me...
also i said that this song went to the alabaster deplume don't forget you're precious school of motivational music but why have i kept coming back to it... it's kind of lovely 2 me. i don't know!
also i randomly was like wait why does lexie liu's 2022 album slay severely so i've been listening to a lot of that lately lol. 3.14159 is my favorite objectively but sometimes you just have to loop ganma because it's too real. every day at 4am kms and dying just repeating the chorus to myself like 干嘛... 不睡......
and finally of course i am sooo excited for daughter album :') :') :') i really had not felt a single positive feeling in all of 2023 until they dropped boyw like it was such a visceral rush of genuine emotion that it's kind of embarrassing looking back on but oh well. elena tonra will get us through the hard times
tv shows
writing this as a reminder to myself tbh because i keep forgetting what i'm watching.......
finished shadow and bone s2! it was serviceable even though i generally could not care less about the bin bons storyline and i actually liked show wesper and nikolai grew on me. watched oscar's parts of dts s5 and then the first episode and then forgot about it..... i was meaning to watch cooking for the maiko house because i'm simple koreeda fan and then also forgot about that but i should get back to it.
> need to catch up with succession. don't even remember where i am
> yellowjackets s2e2
> ted lasso s3e3
> lucky hank s1e2
> the last of us s1e6 💀 i forgot i was watching this
> abbott elementary s2e17
> owl house s3e2
oy vey....... probably other stuff too but i've got enough on my plate as it is. tbh ted lasso s3 has been underwhelming me so far but i do want to get through everything here eventually i'm just bad at sitting through things lately. Omg can i please start keeping unnecessary lists again i hate forgetting what i was meaning to watch!!! also if anyone has recs please lmk ✍️ i'm in the mood to start something new i'm just like auuurghh... i don't even know
movies
recently watched tár, close, and of an age in theaters... also the oscar animated shorts which basically ice merchants >>>>>> the rest > the shit that won. also watched ant-man and the latest d&d movie but anyway 😭 actually really liked of an age now that i think about it... maladjusted australian gayboy angst too real
love books would love to read one some day.
sports
tbh sometimes i'm like i watch insane amounts of hockey but upon reflection i feel like i don't even watch that many teams. i think i am unfortunately biased against "bad" teams because i get so depressed watching systems defensively crater when a) i am already a stars fan and b) i already watch JUNIOR HOCKEY from time to time like i just watched cb98 drop a second-straight OTL in the whl playoffs i don't need to witness... anyway. i really just watch the stars and then i pick and choose whatever from... well i feel like lately i watch way too much devs and sabres hockey lol i don't know! i think i have to stop liking jq22 it's actually so embarrassing. i mean dl27 will probably become my favorite eventually because i can't not be susceptible to an insane 7th round mentality monster goalie nerd with a massive chip on his shoulder but for now my fav buffalo sabre is really Loser vape rookie who couldn't rizz up a girl in the buff state rec room if his life depended on it. it's my right i suppose. also i can't watch the avs right now because it's making me feel too toxic. anyway the only horrible unfortunate banged up team i can stomach is the habs :')
also oscar points in his home race ☝️ i feel like f1 is not something i can bring myself to populate my dash with so my consumption is so much more isolated/disjointed but i kind of like it that way because um. [redacted thoughts on f1 fandom]
[creation]
some stuff i've been making........ i think a big thing for me this year has been trying to bludgeon into my head that i can actually just learn and do things if i tell myself i can enough times lol. which is a fairly generic philosophy but i guess i'm trying to give up on myself a little less. well not really but sometimes i like to pretend that's true lol
honestly speaking i think 50% of the time i spend with photoshop open is just on making robo gifs which is literally so humiliating and every other day i sit there like 급현타 moment about how unnecessary everything i do within ""fandom"" is lmfao i'm just like WHY? but again why do we do anything etc. etc. it is embarrassing to genuinely like an athlete thisss much but unfortunately he is so boring in the unique cerebral mentalityfreak way that explicitly appeals to me. like when a guy is so predictably knowable to the point that you're like this Can't be it and it really isn't but also it is and that's the inherent beauty of it. i could go on but i won't. 100 points tho LFGGGGGGGGGG
unfortunately he is my fav guy. i'll reflect
art
i had like Three (3) days in march when i was genuinely motivated to draw art and it was kind of exhilarating OMG i was like damn i'm actually having fun for once! i've been sketching random stuff since and there's this one piece/set of pieces(???) that i reallyyy want to do but i just don't know how to execute it at all tbh. the problem really is that i'm a horrible artist and i have like zero creativity lol. but here's some stuff (DON'T LAUGH...):
i've said this a million times but i love the stars rr jersey so much... the petey sketch is so bad but whatever it was really an experimental attempt at random shape and color stuff so i'll live with it. i also kind of want to draw more freeform roops but... idk we'll see. omg why am i literally so bad at this shit. it's fine
stats
i wish i could like... write fic and be normal but i also think every fic i've ever written has been completely useless and sort of actively bad in the way that you are actually left for the worse after consuming it? like some fic you read and you're like ok it happened but i do feel like my writing legitimately worsens my quality of life after i read through it. No offense to me because i really do try i just have no talent. but anyway sometimes i'm like i think writing fic is such a nice activity to engage in because it ties people together and i wish i had normal hobbies but instead i'm out here making incomprehensible posts analyzing the hrpf archives without actually contributing to them. which is like Why do you do that... but also i think stats are fun and i like fucking around with data even if i don't know what i'm doing so whatever!!!
basically we ball. earlier i made this post as a quick and dirty attempt at analyzing recent hrpf trends which tbh was actually decently insightful but then i was like... what's fun about hockey to ME is that it's a weakly connected sport but also still very insular in its own way (for you know bad underlying cultural reasons but in short that's how the social network itself is informed). and i realized that So Many players branch off from sidcros and that he's basically fandom central node, not exactly or necessarily in a bicycle way but more so that a lot of popular ships cycle through or around him, like you can map cheesby to tknp to 1386 to drygras etc. and then other stuff. anyway that's what let me to making This Post:
and tbh this was actually kind of fun because it pushed me outside my comfort zone of doing everything in spreadsheets and i got to go beyond Pure archive metrics in the usual vacuum of ship stats / maybe some manual dimensional entry and run tangible skater data cross-analysis all at once!!! me shamelessly merging everything with my fic set for the sake of horrific tumblr posting... i suffered so much at first because i simply CANNOT figure out how to get authentication to work with ao3 scraping and hrpf is 60% locked so i was like ottokeee my data... but figuring out a sort of decent and only half-manual collection workaround was nice and now i finally understand bsoup and i learned how to do basic networkx stuff 👍 i talked to someone on tumblr afterward who was like oh you should check out kumu.io for sna work and i was like I WISH I'D KNOWN ABOUT THAT... T__T but it's fine. anyway i won't rehash the whole thing because it's all in the post but i actually enjoyed myself with this one:
i've been meaning to make an f1 version of this post later but it kind of kills me because i was able cover like every f1 ship in 2-3 iterations vs. going to 8 for hockey because f1 is just sooo strongly connected. like the raw graph is absolutely incomprehensible so i don't even know what to do with it...
this is what i had cooking in tableau with min works filtered to like 50 i think? but i don't know if it really Means Anything to me so i have to reflect a bit harder on what i'm actually curious to expand on with f1 driver metrics.
one thing that's kind of interesting from something i just explored right now is that in hockey like... draft year/time in the league (not the same but i guess just some general measure of "establishedness", maybe gp would work but that also looks different for goalies, anyway this would have to be refined but i'm just spitballing here) vs. # of fic graphed by percentile is very much not correlated and you see the "clusters" of like the 2019 ntdp guys and tknp who have a high number of fic despite low establishedness and basically Outperform their expected number, vs. the guys who are relatively "on track" like sidcros, etc... and what's interesting is that with f1 you actually do get a fairly strong positive correlation between these numbers which is like hmmm. because i think it just goes back to connectedness and how exclusive the grid is and how it inevitably drives up numbers if you can remain active as a driver for a number of years lol.
anyway... i will think of this some more
code
on one hand i am absolutely ridiculous for making an entire website for no reason on the other hand i had fun making this once i understood what i was doing and i really am quite happy that i saw it through. :') anyway i was like... i need to check when i said this one second.
LOL so OVER A MONTH AGO i remember trying to find whether there was a central database for nhl warm-up jerseys because nhluniforms only does official in-game jerseys (home/away/third/rr), and then i looked up projects from people in other sports and nothing was really structured the way i needed to make this work because my whole concept was >How can i create a database for theme-night warm-up jerseys specifically done in collaboration with local/independent artists and make the artists and the events they're associated with and the surrounding details like charity work and design inspirations the primary focus?
anyway so i created nhlwarmups.github.io (more details) and i still think it's unproductive and useless of course but sometimes if you want something made you have to do it yourself. and it does matter to me so! isn't that kind of nice at the end of the day... i don't know x__x
some functionality:
there's actually some minor details i still want to add tbh but we'll see... the whole dev process was really ridiculous because i basically never bothered to understand javascript until 4 days ago but now i kind of get it i guess. but my first pass of attempting all of this was really just the manual data collection and having to input info / find sources for all these jerseys across 32 different teams and i was like ok so. i have this preliminary spreadsheet... Now what? and i did rough sketches of how the website would look like but i kept getting stuck on just the dilemma of how to route subpages, and then for a month i was kind of like well i'm never going to be able to do this because i'm stupid and i almost gave up but i did actually like. genuinely want to do this just because it's something i'm passionate about and i knew i would get some satisfaction from seeing the final product i guess?
but i was like ok i don't know how to make the actual subpage "generation" work and really the only functionality of this site is page navigation / jersey filtering and then clicking on preview cards to see detailed views but i wanted to actually have persisting subpages and not just Modal Pop-ups or whatever so i was like... well. and i tried to figure out routing with nodejs but it was giving me a massive headache because i once again am literally stupid and i don't understand modules and couldn't get my imports to work even though i was using the experimental-modules flag and anyway whatever it's fine. i should probably understand this at some point tbh because i'm definitely just stupid but. i basically did a backward approach of just styling everything individually, and then i learned js on the spot from strugglebusing through my sidebar filtering functions and the grid construction and getting just my pagination functions to work, and then AFTER all of this headaching i had an epiphany eventually and realized that I COULD JUST USE URLSEARCHPARAMS. lol....
also hosting this was actually a huge struggle at first (aka in the end because i didn't push anything until i'd finished the website lol) because i think the way i was displaying my pages was super wonky and it was breaking on mobile by not showing subpages at all... well basically i know why because i was trying to hide the main body div on load and then displaying it after my subpage content had finished generating to avoid that flash of the background grid reloading when you redirect but i think all the window/document/etc. stuff has different nuances on mobile so i had to rethink my approach. and because i literally cannot debug mobile stuff since i don't have the devtools to do it i was like Well I'm Fucked. this will just live on my local server forever... but then i changed stuff around and tbh i'm still not sure that's what fixed it but ??? well it works now i guess. i think this made me understand web processes a bit better but also maybe not......... like at first my subpage loading mechanic was >Add listener to preview container and then run load functions based on that and pushstate the subpage id but i think i was creating all this unnecessary extra work ??? because basically the gist of my database structure is -> load in the json objects, create a constant set to maintain id relationships when you need to load a page, and then keep a variable array that gets dynamically sorted and filtered for all the preview work... so the only information i actually needed to pass in to do anything was the id and i could just wrap all my card content with the relevant url from the get go and bypass any pushstate wrangling... anyway it's fine it was definitely just a learning process lol.
anyway my personal favs for the season are probably these 6:
-
das it for this post :_) see you next time
