mini soobthesis
Jan. 11th, 2022 03:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
girlrock
why am i always having the most soobin thoughts........ (bursts from unsustainable amounts of fondness) it's insane to me that we're going on nearly 3 years of stannery now so i figured i might as well be due a short post.
don't expect any depth to this because this is a quick casual 2am soobreflection that i'll lock in a bit per dw tinhat etiquette, but i think for now is ok to leave on public. soobin has seriously changed sooo much in 2021 (imo!!!) and i feel like it's mostly been for the better which is rly nice to see :3c of course this is just my personal opinion and understanding and fannish lens that will remain solely in the void of dreamwidth dot org... i think sb is such an interesting person and that his dynamix are lowk so fucked up sometimes LOL but it's all harmless enough at the end of the day.
i've talked about some more unsavory things in this post from nov 2020, which i feel like is still a decent way of understanding parts of his character. in nov 2021 i also casually wrote out my soobships post that i also still stand by 👌 other than that let's get into it.
1. overview
the thing that's complicated about sb is that so much of his individual fandom on the k-side has been shaped to a degree by g[], who is such a detrimental figure to have associated with your face/name/image for nearly 2 years.... maybe i haven't been keeping up enough but i wonder if she's gotten bored of him lately (or hybe cracking down on her) and that's why he's finally been given a modicum of peace. sb's always been a complicated figure who is contentious with certain online communities, and that's why it's difficult to talk about parts of his character openly (even now) without feeling like you're going to broach weird conversations. like with cargate, the very first proof didn't even come from pnn but instead from [k-dl], which is like on completely different levels of weird fannish lenses and notoriety. it's always been an interconnection of them and g starting shit which is why he's been held to so many different standards of trolling (for ex, g inflated cargate from n but suddenly hated it once it became part of the collective i-fan consciousness because she didn't expect it to actually take off).
but all in all, i feel like soobin's fannish controversies have really died down lately which is kind of nice :') the thing about his scandals is that they were never really substantiated in the first place, but it's also that they weren't even... construed properly half the time? like the thing about being a gayboy who is constantly judged for your mannerisms is that the judgment can never be approached consistently across different parties, and it's all contingent on how you [hypothetical netizen] actually feel about an idol having gay rumors. something that is regarded fondly or humorously can thus be reexamined much more seriously and critically by different pockets of fans with different personal principles. umbggate mlngate etc. etc. are all really good summations of that rift.
that being said, i think he's really come into himself lately. i don't know why i suddenly want to compare txt to p1h (wow ok i rly need to lock this post soon) but i think p1h are also super interesting because one of the pressing questions with them is like... is kh actually a "good" leader?? what even makes a good leader??? and the thing is that he isn't really competent in any traditional notion of leaderisms, but watching them you know there had to be SOME reason they chose him over mathyung th, and i feel like the answer is just sooo embedded in the overall group dynamix; kh socialized them so efficiently that they'd literally fall apart without his horrible extrovert energy anchoring them. this man is essentially the heart and soul (hah) of the group 2 a degree that is nearly unbearable to witness because that's how much they GENUINELY ACTUALLY ADORE HIM!! and even though soobin is a dogged introvert i think there's a similarity to both soogyu + tyunningsoob codependence, and i think that even if soobin is a hot mess half the time it's always been that vulnerability of his that drove them closer. like tyunning are the actual emotional cores/backbones of txt as a whole and are what keep the group functioning, but... soobin is the one they bend toward just a little bit. and as i always say: even though yj is painfully straight and his homosocial connekshuns couldn't be more different from the strange and fumbling dynamix soobin has with other male idols, ynbn is a friendship based on mutual respect of each other's complementary strengths.
honestly soobin is horrible and embarrassing sometimes and makes the worst tiktoks ever. but i think summer 2k21 when he finally started odiposting was such a cute time and i think he's rly mellowed out since then T___T there was always this fraught energy to him that was difficult to describe before; i like this choichoikang vlive where they're discussing their 사춘기 troubles and soobin talks about how he was going through the worst time mentally before they debuted and couldn't stop thinking about things negatively but he was so busy once they debuted that all of that went away because he didn't have the time to reflect on himself at all. which is such a noble thing to say considering that we have soooo much evidence of his toxicthinking and that he used to spend half his time on solo vlives projecting complicated emotions. ofc my fav is aug2020 mukbang vlive—how his mother didn't want him to audition, how he was constantly convinced he'd fail and never told anyone he was a trainee, how he wanted people to compliment him on more than his kindness—but he's always been open about himself to a fault. that's why sookai has been such an interesting friendship since the start because we know that soobin's social requisite is reciprocity so the fact that he chased after kai was kind of strange and unfathomable at the time, but it's also just interesting because he was so open about straight up disliking other members pre-their debut team and the fact that he has all this strange disinterest/pettiness lurking underneath his kindleader exterior makes his personal laments so much funnier. even in 2022 soobin is still 100000000% toxic oversharer; one of his biggest non-fan critiques is that he has terrible body image and says the worst shit to fans. and i don't deny that at all lol it's definitely his worst trait!!! but i think he's gotten better in other regards.
this is just tinhatting but i wonder if part of his slowly building confidence is just enha and no longer being a rookie and not feeling confined to his group anymore. i was kind of joking when i said "incredible what external validation from men who aren't your 4 twinky bandmates can do for your psyche" but... MAYBE JUST A LITTLE BIT... that's it??? bg/yj have been close with their zzz friends for a long time (bg jeongin 2020 new years lore, yj's eternal 99z history, etc.) while tyunning are only increasingly married as time goes on (+ enha 02z to round them out), but soobin has always been interestingly positioned as kind of between each type. he isn't naturally outgoing but he wants to be adored in the most transparent way possible, and obviously mubank played a huge role in bolstering his social confidence. srsly mubank mc lore ALWAYS kills me because you'll have Prettiest Girl Ever + Just Some Dude and soobin was out there getting absolutely fully implicated in aringate even though. do i even need to say it............ like i wish wysh would have a tinhet controversy just for fun because i think it's so fucked up that pann girls continue to believe in soobin's boyfriendisms when that man was literally Yellowjackets Episode 9 Coach Ben in arin's face 24/7. i lowk miss akong tho :( i obviously could talk about soobin mc_lore forever but i'll leave it there... i think the most entertaining connections to come out of mubank were obviously qs and seungsoob (i won't tinhat here!!! but [bowrpgviryl pz tnir uvz gur oenpryrg gurer fb vg znggref gb zr. v'z abg rira fnlvat guvf va n ebznagvp gvaunggl jnl!!!]), minhyuk, and then some random 00z here and there (sanha was cute personally T__T).
i thought about this briefly but sunoo and soobin aren't really the same because soobin has always been loved by the txt members for Being Himself; there's this gaydol effect sunoo is blinded by occasionally on variety show appearances where he realizes that other men are allowed to be openly gay in a way that isn't positionally Othered in contrast to the people around him, but soobin is different in a way where it was kind of like 1) he was already loved by his members as he was but since they're people who have been around him for so long it didn't validate his sense of self in this weirdly specific way he needed anymore. and then 2) being at mubank and meeting new people who were enamored with him made him realize that he was Just A Likable Person (debatable but for the sake of the exercise i'll allow it) and getting to regularly see new people—not just idols but also like the mubank writing team—in a context that was entirely "his" maybe gave him a newfound sense of self-confidence and pride. ofc this is just baseless theorizing but i could definitely see sb going through the motions like that!!!
2. music
mlngate is my absolute fav for so many reasons :) like i feel bad for him but that was lowk deserved and it gave us SO much good lore lmfao. but honestly it's been suuuper cute to see him finally opening up about his music again in 2021 even though i do think he's still obfuscating an amount of his taste (either per hybe regulations or just personal censorship). what matters to me about soobin is that he's hyperaware of how fans can "consume" his personality but isn't good at hiding his constant calculation; someone like yeonjun is very practiced in his fanservice but doesn't make that effort obvious when he actually does it, which is why he has a natural idol character that appeals to newfans and non-fans alike. with soobin however, he is very self-conscious and always seems to be narrating the ways in which he tries to protect himself from fannish prying. i feel like he's not as bad as before but i love one of his recent vlives where he's trying to show us his lockscreen and is all like "okay~~ turning on airplane mode now~~" and then he won't stop talking about how nervous he is about a notification showing up. Like 😭 If You Had Tact you would have just put it on airplane mode without EXPLAINING IT TO USSSS. soobin is so Bothered in truly the funniest way. like after aringate they were so clearly and obviously stiff it killed me but i do think there's something kind of endearing about guy who overcorrects at the slightest mention of criticism...
sookai are both interesting because i think they get shit on for the stupidest things, kai especially. th mansplain critiques are at least warranted and i think bg hnnm lore is always going to be hard to fully navigate, though a lot of it is g-perpetrated so it's also just difficult to conceptualize in the first place. yj has also been similarly victimized but i feel like other than some light predebut poking has never had any real trouble. SOOBIN MEANWHILE... lmfao no comment.
anyway i think the best part of 2021 is the fact that he started doing his k-pop lives ❤️ even though sb isn't fully open about it i really think taebin r soo ridic endearing for their everlasting ggfanisms (the hr snhwa joint slay...); actually one of my biggest joys of soobrin mubank interviews was the fact that arin (noted horrible dancer. ur perfect tho never change) never seemed to approach the gg dance segments they did with the same gusto as soobin LMFAO. ik that he'd study stages beforehand and that they rehearse their interviews but it's still a lot when you see him vibrating with poorly suppressed excitement next to bg during rollin era and that every time a girl group did a point dance he'd continue beyond the Actual Group Members to prove his unnecessary knowledge of their choreo. time rly heals all wounds because 2020 mdzysb would have been absolutely shaken by this unfettered power 🥰❤️ also my favorite part of his k-pop vlive is when he's like yes i love groups that start with b bap block b b1a4 like this man could not care lesssss about bts. i just love that he corroborates mlngate every time he opens his mouth it's like he's finally decided that he can't let the past haunt him any longer. lee hyori voice YOU GO GURL!!!
3. gaming
WELL SOOGYU BOTH ""QUIT"" ""GAMING"" IN 2021... i think you can understand so much about a male idol from their gaminglore but i wonder if this is delving too much into weird hnnm gamingculture nuances that i don't necessarily need to touch on because they're so self-evident. i'll just paste some old discord theorizing:
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2:06 AM
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girlrock
Omfg i feel like u can understand so much about a k-pop boy from his attitude toward gaming. like minhee and soobin are both league boys but minhee downplays it because he doesn't want the ~unsavory~ association of being a teen boy and wants to present himself as nicely and prettily as possible but in a way that's meant to be "considerate" because of his attitude toward making other people's lives easier
girlrock
vs. soobin who is kind of like that but mostly just thinks it's really embarrassing and is more concerned with how people see him as a Person With Value. idk if that makes sense
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like i think the main reason soobin quit gaming was just because it's a useless timesink that isn't sustainable as an idol and just makes you more stressed than is worth it, but he's always Clearly had a lot of weird feelings about it. for reference sb has played league with jin + beomgyu before and was diamond rank as a trainee (vs. bg saying something to the effect that being gold was amazing for his class at the time LMFAO... this was in hanlimz graduation vlive i think and he was also like i'd learn people's league/ovw ids before he even knew their names. anyway), but soobin's main game right before he quit was dungeon fighter (which he played with new yeast jr LMFAO) which he eventually dramatically quit by selling of all of his items/giving them to all of his guild members. omg i've been meaning to make a more complete timeline of soogyu gamerisms for a long time but unfortunately it's like 2am and this post isn't meant to be formally written whatsoever so that'll have to wait... T___T just Trust Me i know my sources :( i also think my fav soobin leagueboy moments on vlive are from umbggte hotel live where they're like jinx...? 저희 다른 징크스는 있어요ㅋㅋㅋ and then that ot5 live where he embarrassed himself confusing frozen olaf and league olaf. which is why it's just soooo funny to me whenever he was all like ">__< i won't talk about gaming because i don't want to alienate the fans huehuehue!!!" because we all know he just talks about whatever he wants and is only going to censor himself if he thinks it's embarrassing. Which he does. he and minhee are v similar in this regard but i think ultimately minhee's motivations r more sensible LOL. minhee hardcarrying mx hyungs is sooo endearing 2 me though dw about it 💔
but right soobin is just so cute to me :/ i think my fav sb gaymer moment in 2021 was actually rly recent from todo holiday party where he LOST HIS SHIIITTT OVER WINNING A PS5 AND DEFENDED THAT GIFT WITH HIS WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE... soogyu are both kind of inscrutable because i think their gaming timelines are very questionable and sometimes they just straight up lie about giving it up but i can respect the inability to fully do away with an embarrassing hobby. the way he full-on bowed to the staff at the end kind of knocked me out 😭 also this episode was chock-full of DYNAMIX in the best way possible i think sookai moment of mercy at the end is so ridiculously sweet but i also love beomgyu quiet acts of service under his bluffing exterior and i'm usually completely unaffected by beomjun. also yeonjun concerting needless amounts of hyungdongsaeng intimacy with kai lmfaooo BUT ANYWAY THIS IS ABOUT SOOBIN!
4. interpersonal relationships
where were we. i think soobin just believes certain things are antithetical to his narrow idea of Growing Up and that's why he works so hard to challenge "natural" parts of himself. this kind of makes me think of how baekseung has completely distorted self-image in a really adorable way because he's like I'm 19 I'm Almost An Adult >:( and oppadols himself even though he literally has a long pink ponytail rn and emojispams like this 💖💕🥰💗💓💝💖🧡🌸 in his unibus pms. soobin is like that but in a more deeply entrenched and complicated way... i've said this multiple times but it's like he's overly occupied with ideas of self-respect and on one hand doesn't want to be so easily readable but he gives up so many parts of himself anyway because he wants to believe that his vulnerability can be well-received and cared for—and there are things he wouldn't know how to give up even if he tried. soobin isn't good at bfdoling the way yeonjun is, but he'll spam bf shots of himself taken from his middle school best friend and then overshare about his lockscreen being a photo of his male friend in the army. he posts screenshots of his family babying him in the family gc but we also know too much about his relationships with his siblings, and he'll give us all the ugly complicated parts even in his lighthearted reflective anecdotes. etc. etc......... i think the funniest part of cargate was just that like. soobin has this need for people to understand Him and see HIM and it wasn't so much about the tinhatting as much as it was the fact that every time he desperately posts his music obsessions on weverse it's completely an extension of self and a manifestation of his need to have his tastes and interests and attachments validated.
(remember when i said that soobin is more susceptible to getting in a relationship when he has an ugly hair color because it makes him more insecure and open to affection 😭 i still stand by that.) i think soobin hairlore is funny too because when he had blue hair and people were like oppa we miss ur black hair!! he got all huffy and was like Guys i can't control it :/// obviously i miss my black hair too but talk to the company :/ and then recently when he was red someone was like ur hair is so cute and he got huffy TOO and he was like oh really. thanks :/ i want to change it right away. SOOBIN PLEASE YOUR TACT?
ok well i don't know how to end this post.......... let's see. personally i think soogyu got so serious in 2021 with beomgyu girlfriendisms like it really is like that. personally i think soobin being toxic makes him funnier and more endearing and perfect. i like that txt are just what they are because they resist so many standard conceptions of group dynamix just by virtue of being so anchored around soobin—who is a little bit impossible in ways that few idol leaders are. i genuinely love that yeonbin haven't momdad fanserviced since 2019 and that's why their dynamic literally has no depths to it anymore. not in a bad way, but just because they don't feel the need to keep the charade going now that txt have so many other interesting layers happening!!! same with soobin dropping jin armyisms act as soon as he could; txt are such a uniquely constructed group face with one like enhypen [ultimate post-bts hitting daebak fanboy group] which is what makes their contrasts so much more interesting and delicious. from an mc perspective sunghoon's failures are often soobin's strengths (and vice versa) (even though soobin was never really a good mc either. seriously poor bomin...), which is why they're interesting to see and put together. i think soobin is SUUUCHHH a menace for how he acts around him btw i know i have to stop talking about soobhoon but i was just rewatching a clip from the txtha game episode and why was he all over him forcing him to call him the most handsome member of txt 😭 SEE....... something about being a hyung/sunbae without the pressure of having to be another Member and Leader has truly affected soobin so much. u go girl [2].......
some old notes
> remember when soobin explicitly did not learn the dynamite choreo until they had to cover it for mama and then armys were like "omg soobin is such a good hoobae <3" during the mubank encore stages like girl this is a recent development!!!! that’s literally how i knew they were going to cover it because he would have never done it of his own volition.
> txt are also bad at variety because they see variety activities exactly as they are (a game is a game and nothing else) and their dry wit/deadpan humor doesn’t always translate well in overly-edited contexts
> [re: silly mubank discourse] i don’t think it’s fair to say that soobin hates nct but it’s clear that soobin thinks that he's being ~professional~ or ~focused~ when he tries to look at the camera and follow the script well but it comes off differently when there’s such a distinct temperature gap between that and the guys he's close to. arin also has moments like that with her queendom friends (see yuqi moments especially) but she’s just naturally really giggly and playful and they’re always like doing skinship in a very overtly teasing way. meanwhile with soobin it’s like !?!??! [...] anyway the point of this is that soobin tries to be a little deadpan/chic in order to be considered professional but it just looks stupid when he starts flirting with random dudes on national television
> soobin: these days i don’t really have any worries i just emptied my mind and live simply ^^ / taehyun: ohhh that’s nice / taehyun 2 seconds later: UNLIKE SOOBIN I AM WORKING HARD TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON AND ARTIST AND AM PRACTICING AS MUCH AS I CAN.
T___T happy 3 yrs.
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Date: 2022-01-11 12:03 pm (UTC)so true girl. wait i want that to be minhee so bad ORZZZZZZ anyway i love u and i love how much u love soobin ❤️
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Date: 2022-01-11 08:19 pm (UTC)i'm that soobin dude
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Date: 2022-01-14 02:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-17 11:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-07-13 11:06 pm (UTC)LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL this made me laugh out loud like this is so funny. thanks for linking this truly i'm having a ball reading like this is v stream of consciousness of course but i am like. citing this. at some point. blurring your name out but still. all my kpop friends were brazillian sunflowers so U can imagine how STIFLING it was to be a soob center of the universe truther !!!!!!!!!!!